I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
