Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
