So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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