I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
