How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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