If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
