What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
