Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
