i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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