Will you blow on my dice?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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