Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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