I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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