He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
