I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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