I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
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You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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