FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
