You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
