ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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