Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
