Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
