It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
