I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
