I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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