I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
