I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Is it penis luge time yet?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
