theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
