so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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