shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
