i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...