This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.