this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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