Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
