Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
