We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
