my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
