i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
