So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
