My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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