Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
