Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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