I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
