If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
