OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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