im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
