Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
