The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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