dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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