You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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