I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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