...so i touched it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
