I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
