Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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