I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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