well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
