You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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