They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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