my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
