why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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