Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
