Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
