Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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