Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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