Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
