My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
