I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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