If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
