I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
