Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
