I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
