She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
