i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
