Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
