Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
