On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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