I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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