dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My ATM looks so different sober.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
