The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
