You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
