That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
