she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
