On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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