i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
