Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
