Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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