he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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