His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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