So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
