Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
