This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Reggie can tackle my bush.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
