You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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