at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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